i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
