I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize