Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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