i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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