dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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