It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
