this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
