i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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