i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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