you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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