hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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