I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize