My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
