You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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