I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
