i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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