Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
