Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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