the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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