why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
