he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think your dad took our porno
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
