im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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