Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize