You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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