u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
