I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
