matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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