Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
