Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize