At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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