Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
