Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
