I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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