He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
