I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
