Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
