I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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