too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
