Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
