I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
