If i come over, it means nothing
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
