Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
