He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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