Soap is not a condiment
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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