Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
