I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
