You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
