She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think people are normalizing furries
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
