You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
