Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
