I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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