Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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