I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
