Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
