we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize