I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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