OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
