woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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