its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
