he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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