Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize