You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
