On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
