nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
