She said her name was "party"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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