Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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