I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
