we made out on top of his cat.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
