Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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