Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
