Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
