I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize