So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
