Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm just crazy horny about you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
