Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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