I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize