well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
