She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
