the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize