my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hippo gnu deer
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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