If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
