Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
