I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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