All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So much Jack, so little girl.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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