I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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