You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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