Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
