I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
