okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
