Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
