Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
