did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
