I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
