I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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