Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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