It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize