isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
