So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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