Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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