yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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