spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
