Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize