You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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