I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
