Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
