dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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