the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
