Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize