He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
